Something of a Rarity
by Diary
Summary: "My brother doesn't deserve that, Cas, and I don't deserve to see him have to go through it. Maybe you can't fix anything else, but you can fix this." Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.

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"I shouldn't have," Cas mutters.

Sighing, Sam considers getting Dean, but Dean is so pissed that he's not sure Dean would be willing to try to talk Cas down. He imagines Cas realises that, too, since he appeared to Sam, shaking and rambling, instead of his usual habit of going to Dean. The last thing any of them need is Dean lashing out and making Cas disappear, again, for who knows how long.

He rubs his head and sits down. "I don't understand what's going on, man. So, if you could fill me in-" He trails off.

"I killed an innocent woman."

"Right, you said that," Sam says, patiently. "A half-angel, half-human. Like the opposite of Jesse, right?"

"He was an innocent child. She was, too. I tried to tell myself- Of course, she fought for her life."

"Okay," Sam says, taking a breath. "Castiel, talk to me, or I'm getting Dean. Now, you can vanish, but- I don't understand what you did. I probably couldn't hurt you if I wanted to, and right now, I'm not judging you. Just tell me what in the hell is going on."

"Metatron came to me when I was shopping," Cas says, and Sam remembers the bag of groceries he and Dean had found in the kitchen. There'd been a pie in the oven; it wasn't home-baked, a plastic lid over it, but where it came from was unknown.

"Right, next time, leave a note, telling us the stuff's from you," Sam says, feeling a pang of guilt and exasperation.

Dean had agreed to throwing out the beer and beef jerky easily enough, but he'd gotten twitchy when it had come to burning the porn. He'd been almost homicidal when it came to the pie, and then, he'd been depressed.

"But anyways, go on."

"He said we could close the gates of Heaven. It would prevent the angels from continuing to cause trouble for you and Dean and the rest of humanity."

"And part of closing the gates involved killing a waitress?"

"A Nephilim, the product of a human and an angel. Her name was Jane, and she was kind to me. When we went to- She became angry and attacked Metatron. In his defence, I killed her, but that's not completely true. I could have stopped her without doing so. She wasn't an abomination."

"I-" Sam finds himself at a loss for words. "Look," he says, finally, "I'm not going to tell you what you did was okay. I don't know if- Don't do anymore trials, Cas, without bringing me and Dean in, okay? Metatron helped us, and he helped Kevin, but the truth is, we've been screwed over by angels in the past. Until we know we can trust him, until we know more about this closing heaven thing and all that's involved, just don't, okay? Let us help you."

"Why?"

"Because we're family," Sam answers, reaching over to squeeze his wrist. "When are you going to accept that?"

"I do-"

"No, you don't," he says, sadly. "Maybe, at one point, you did, but you haven't in a long time. Cas, listen to me: I got addicted to demon blood, I started the frigging apocalypse, and I don't want to think about what I did when I was running around soulless. Dean's done bad things and crossed lines he never should have. Hell, even Bobby did things he shouldn't have. We're all screwed up, and maybe our interpersonal relationships are, too, but we're family. For good and bad."

"I want to make things right."

"I know."

Sighing, Cas asks, "Did Dean enjoy the pie?"

"Tell me more about nephilims," he says, managing to repress a wince. Soon enough, he's probably going to end up with a broken nose, and who knows what Cas will do.

"They're blameless, but they're also a symbol of evil done by angels."

"You mean sex? Not to sound like Dean, but-"

"It's not sex," Cas interrupts. "Or at least, not consensual sex. I'm something of a rarity when it comes to angels. Most of them do indulge in one another. I just- never had occasion."

He looks as if he's waiting for Sam to say something, and Sam shrugs. "Hey, I'm not Dean, okay?"

"The only way an angel and a human are sexually compatible is if the angel takes a human vessel. There are strict rules regarding certain things the angel may do. They may use the vessel to kill as a matter of defence, and in theory, they may use it for sex, if doing so is necessary for their survival or another's. However, it's generally accepted that, should it come to that, they should let the vessel die and return themselves to home, if need be, rather than do so. An angel who has sex while in a human vessel otherwise- it is rape, and they are rapists. Even assuming the human consents, it's still considered too coercive to be accepted as true."

"Okay, I can understand that," Sam says, remembering how he'd double and triple-checked to make sure the body Ruby had taken absolutely had nothing left of a human soul inside it. "Uh, I'm not sure how to say this without- I'm not trying to imply anything, okay?"

At Cas's nod, he continues, "But Dean told me about taking you to that brothel. I know you didn't, but- you also didn't say anything like this to him, did you?"

"I'm something of a rarity when it comes to angels," Cas repeats. "Angels aren't able to inhabit soulless or dead bodies. Yet, Jimmy is dead, awaiting his family in Heaven; I've made sure of it. Biologically, some of him remains. A craving for red meat, a tendency for the hands to occupy themselves when I'm under stress, and other such things. But there is no soul, no mental presence, in here but me."

Suddenly, Gabriel pops into Sam's head. He quickly shakes the though away, in no mood to go back to wondering if the trickster deserves a spot in their fallen alley section or not. Whatever he was, ally, rapist, out-for-himself until the end, he was a dick, and Sam will never fully forgive him for all those times Sam had to deal with Dean dying.

Before he can think of what to say next, Cas says, "Dean- What's your answer, Sam? I can never make right what I've done. I've killed countless innocents. I've killed the corrupt when I could have otherwise neutralised them. You may be sane, now, but I tortured and almost killed you. I've lied. I've committed almost every sin there is."

Sighing, again, he considers his words. "My answer- Look, someday, we may all be punished. Or we may never be. Really, I don't know which thought is more scary. What I do know is that, right now, we can feel sorry for ourselves and punish the ones who give a damn about us, or we can try to be okay, try to do good, and let the people who love us do it. I don't know if he's ever told you, Cas, but Dean loves you. I love you. And I know you love us."

"And in the past, we've asked for all sorts of crap from you, but right now, I'm just asking for one thing. Just one. Please, stop trying to do things on your own. Stop trying to protect us by keeping us in the dark. That's why Dean's pissed. Because you go off, and you don't let us help, and all he can do is get angry or worry himself sick about whether or not you're alright and whether or not he'll ever see you again."

"My brother doesn't deserve that, Cas, and I don't deserve to see him have to go through it. Maybe you can't fix anything else, but you can fix this."

"Yes," Cas says. "I do love you and Dean. Strange, isn't it?"

"Nah, we're pretty lovable," he teases as he grins.

"You didn't answer about the pie."

"Right," Sam says. "Okay, so, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to get my coat and put a note on the fridge, and then, me and you are going to do a grocery run. You're in charge of the pie."

"We can't go to the store five miles from here," Cas says. "Or rather, I can't. I- That poor boy, he didn't deserve my overreaction or the mess I caused."

"There's a twenty-four hour bakery about two hours away," Sam says, wondering if he'd be happier not knowing. "Just give me five minutes, okay?"

"Okay," Cas agrees. When Sam gets to the door, he says, "Sam?"

Sam turns.

"Thank you. For- the talk. For everything."

He nods and gives a small smile before going to get ready.


End file.
